"I got ts on tho" - a Negro spiritual

favorite fits of 2023 and a reflection on "making myself presentable". better late than never.

“Making myself presentable” is a process I used to resent. The performance. Gel hair, white nylon tights, eyebrows waxed, apply makeup, shave, wear this, not that! and do it all cleanly and while on the sick treadmill that is life in the US as a Black girl. While I resented much of this routine, I knew it felt good to see the soft sheen of my Vaseline slicked brown skin in the sunlight. I loved the feelings of skipping my heels in ruffly socks. These moments of aesthetic bliss broke up the dreariness I had to face with little outlet.

Going through that list, there is not much of these I still do, my edges stay kinky, my underarms scare my mom, but my day to day is much more stable. The bills come in my name and they’re paid, my lover doesn’t raise their voice at me and definitely not his fists, I set boundaries with friends and my work doesn’t feel like a curse. But I still love ruffles and makeup.

Somewhere I heard recently, forgive me for forgetting the source, but I heard that dressing up for our day to day is a gift to the world. I’ve been holding onto that because I truly truly DO feel GIFTED to see the girls around, polished, blown out, styling and knowing so.

I DO feel so GENEROUS when I’m an outfit and sharing it to the passersby. As much as I love my wardrobe intimately, underneath it all, I thought this look through to be noticed. That doesn’t mean to be complimented in the street but just to color your day, your memory of driving down Vermont. Chiccharones frying there, honking Priuses over here, and an afro-puffed-ruffly-skirted me in the crosswalk.

I DO love the present of seeing heels in the grocery store, cut crease smokey eyes at the 8 am, and the matching airport sets.

Respectability is not what I yearn for, please hear me correct. I applaud the glittery and the expert coordination, time, and care it takes to present such displays. Acrylics in academia, afro puffs & bright jewel tones in corporate, and the absence of color of the schoolyard. These aren’t respectable displays, they go above “looking presentable”. We dare to play, and to many, we are excessive. We are seen and enjoyed, Hedonists!

Sometimes beauty artifice is, just that, a strategy of survival and assimilation. Simulated control over one’s positionality.

But other times, we are surviving and these tools are what are most accessible to experiment with, to play with. I always wanted to take painting classes, but makeup tutorials are free on YouTube so I spent my lonely preteen afternoons playing in my sister’s BHCosmetics palettes. I remember many days where the only thing I could be sure of was the clothing I put on my back.

I still don’t shave, I don’t straighten my hair anymore, but I do thin my eyebrows and wear tights often. We all dress to achieve some sort of social capital, and I love curating my presentation, but “making myself presentable” is not my ministry. Though I respect the control people feel doing so affords them, I much prefer to be asked “can I pet your coat?”. I love to start a conversation with earrings and strike a nerve with a t-shirt.

(Well, I guess, I simulate my control in a different manner, one that means I’m experienced, not simply accepted.)

I’d never expect a friend to wear their favorite sweater to see me, my nurse to ease my anxiety with the clacking of artificial nails on the blood pressure machine, my barista to give me endless eye makeup inspiration, but my senses are delighted to receive the gift.

My life is more stable, I don’t seek comfort in respectability, but I still got that shit on though. And will continue to put that shit on.

Now, a recap of my favorite outfits of 2023.

slinky knit top, brown ribbed tights, grey yoga microshorts, candies platform sneakers

vtg lace & velvet bra, korean button fly wide leg denim, no brand sheer drawstring waist dress, jeffrey campbell mules

skingraft shirt dress, velvet burnout darker wavs leggings, vtg aldo boots, boutique brand cheetah coat

ganni satin crepe maxi dress, mia swedish clogs

90s knit high neck open back top (from my momma), early 00s tiered polka dot dress (worn as a skirt), fake a$$ coach bag, diy embellished platform sandals (thrifted em that way!)

bday ren faire fit! 90s wilsons leather buckle vest, malicious designs crop, handmade lace high slit maxi from @perlasintimates on depop, burner belt bag, mesh scarf, b.makowsky suede bag, various thrifted jewelry

60s handmade mini, go-go boots, jack-o-latern :p

visiting solvang fit - no brand white tiered skirt, 90s red gingham blouse with floral embroidery, free people knee high lace up boots.

korean brand veggie grid print blouse, moda international rabbit hair tie up sweater, 60s vtg floral quilted cardigan, mid 00s old navy olive corduroy shorts (pls ignore the broken button situation)

asos floral embroidered ruffle blouse, 90s moda international suede zip skirt, isabella fiore leather patchwork hobo bag

thanks for being here in 2024 <3